8 Reasons why you should date an Arsenal fan

If you are still writing out those same new year resolutions you wrote some years before now just give up on the exercise, you may never keep to them. Take my advice, set targets, write out goals and work at them. For those who already have targets I can bet finding true love or shall we say “matters of the heart” remain at the top of most wish lists for the New Year and I have no apologies for catering to the ladies first but with football growing in popularity globally, chances are that 70% of men available for love are football fans, noisy and lousy as ever, fortunately or unfortunately.

However, please DO NOT move near Manchester United fans! They just want to have their way at ALL costs, by hook or crook no matter who suffers for it, and that includes you and your sorry heart. I so hate them...ok well I’m just jealous.

Real Madrid fans make fair partners but watch your back, they are haters always threatened by every little success that is not theirs. They can spoil you though even on borrowed cash, afterall they are wasteful.

Chelsea fans? Don’t even think about it! How do you explain claims of pride yet being yes men to some billionaire? The two don’t link right? Yes they suffer some chronic amnesia; once lunch is served they forget how they got breakfast. Darling you don’t need a “use and dump” guy.

Liverpool fans, hmn... most of them are probably resting with the lord, mostly age mates of your ancestors in the 20th century. Sorry to break your heart.

Barcelona Fans? They have male fans? Seriously? I think most of their fans are ladies like you; they just follow the guy(s) winning. Good luck if you find a man amongst them but don’t bet on the long haul.

In my culture they say if you have to go through the trauma of eating a toad, at least find a healthy one to eat! So ladies, here is your best bet, go ahead and date that Arsenal fan! Yes the same great English Premier League club that has not won any trophy in 8 years. I know many of them and trust me

1. They are very patient! I mean patience with no elastic limit and it is 8 years tested and trusted.

2. They can sacrifice ANY of their valuables for you. They have learned that NOTHING is too big or important to sell.

3. You are free to lie to him! He accepts all kinds of lame excuses and even if you repeat one same silly line like I am sorry I’m late to your birthday, I drove with the handbrakes on he will take it.

4. They have this strange 8 year forced training in money matters or let’s say prudence! He can sell an asset and buy a liability, yet make profits! O yes that good... just that he has his own definition of profits.

5. With an Arsenal fan, you do not have to hustle for the spotlight, you can have it. He doesn’t remember what it feels like anymore anyways.

6. Should this end up in marriage trust me he is the only football fan that will not mess up the walls of your home with posters of men (who you may not find sexy anyways) Why? There’s really no one left!

7. I promise you, every year you will be like a new signing...sorry I mean like a new bride.

8. If you try him on and with all these qualities you still someday consider a breakup, you do not have to worry for him, multiple heartbreaks have hardened him and yours won’t kill him.

Welcome to 2013 beautiful ladies...and of course gentlemen. Do I need to repeat the same prayers and wishes you have received since January 1st? Generously helping you with tips to happiness this year is a better offer... I think.

@keniknows.